Oct 5th, day five in the hospital.

After being in the ICU and Oncology for a few days they moved him to their behavioral health locked unit. On day four. On day five they started giving him a clear liquid diet. Improvement. Slowly. He can drink liquids. He can eat jello! Yeah. 5 days no food no water. Then they allow him clear liquids and jello! Oh my. Slowly but surely he is getting healthier ( that is what the tell him, he is getting worse but he doesn't know this).  Everything is slow going. This process, it took him less then 20 minutes to destroy himself. 5 days , 120 hours, 7,200 minutes, 432,000 seconds, and he is still not even close to being 100%. He takes the oxygen off from time to time. He is breathing better. They decide to take out the IV fluids cause he can drink fluids. He is still stuck in hell. He tries to stay focused. He reads, he writes, he watches tv. The same thing day in day out. The doctors come in. They ask him the same questions. " Do you want to harm yourself?" No I want to finish the job if this is going to be my life or the rest of it! " No, I am doing much better." " Do you want to harm anyone." You for asking me that fucking question day in and day out. " No, I would never do that." " How are you feeling?"  I am fucking amazing I tried killing myself, my wife left me. No one has visited me for days. I can only use the phone for 5 fucking minutes and anytime I use it I wanna strangle myself with it because its better then being in this shitty ass environment expecting people who don't give two shits about you to help. My emotions are through the fucking roof. I wanna cry every day. I am alone. I am suffering. I am in pain and I am a wreck. " I am doing better, I pray every day and just take it easy and focus on what I can do to get better. I want to get better." They are gonna keep me here forever aren't they. That is what it feels like. They can keep him their for a minimum of 3 days by law, thats not including the time he already spent in ICU and Oncology. Another 2 days... God when will this end. It never ends. Its always beginning you go to sleep. You wake up its still there. It takes too long. It doesn't take long enough. The only good news is they can't just throw you out on the street. Thank god for some laws.