Rough nights, tough days.

Tonight, I am going to be writing about my night. Tonight was a rough night for me. I walked to work like I normally do trying to think positive thoughts but my mind keep turning back to a time long ago when I was "happy" not really happy just was in a rut and it was better than not knowing what was happening. I also kept thinking of some one who I was happy with. Then I started to think about how I would never find that again. Who wants to be with a person who has attempted suicide. Who wants to be with a person who is going to have days where the world is amazing then days where he can't even leave his bed. Who wants to deal with that shit. I hate depression. I then started thinking about how it would feel to put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger. Would it be worth it this time. I know there are people out there who love me and they show me every day and I cherish those moments. But this disease is not curable. Its barely fucking manageable. Ups and downs, downs and ups. How do you live your life on a roller coaster never knowing at what moment if its going to be up or down. Every day will be tough and every night will be rough. But I know I can do this. I know I can succeed and make my life better. One day. All I am asking for is one day. Please watch me for I will run over you if you don't.