Nov 10th. Day three in the hospital.

Another day in the hospital. So far in a months time he has spent about 20 days in the hospital. Don't recommend it. He has that damn NG tube that is more like a torture device then a medical one ( don't get me wrong here folks without this device I would have never gotten healthy but when you have something shoved in your nose stuck there and it moves back and forth at will for about 10 plus days you would rather be put on the rack). Constant pain. Morphine every 3 hours and at a dose of 4 mL that is some good stuff. Its always nap time at morphine time! Most of the day he spends watching tv or movies because there is nothing else he can do. Today he has another procedure he has to go back and get the picc line replaced because it shifted in his arm and chest. He doesn't really care its just another day with constant pain and mental torture. How do you get better when it seems like you are getting worse? The nurses come in daily, hourly. Checking on his status and seeing if there is even the slightest bit of improvement. Or to make sure he doesn't tie a line around his neck he doesn't know. Either way its a pain in the ass. If you have ever thought about suicide and are really contemplating it I wouldn't recommend it. Take it from personal experience. Most people don't actually achieve the desired effect and end up where I was. In a lot of pain and a lot of thoughts running through your head and the suffering. No matter how bad the world looks at that moment. There is always sunshine coming up. You just have to find it. Another procedure it seems like he has had more radiation in the last few days then he has in his life. But that is ok he just patiently waits everyone has high hopes. He just mopes around being miserable. Another day stuck in his metaphorical hell. Tonight is a sleepless night. He stays up all night watching tv. He wishes he had something better to do with his time.