Change its bound to happen.

I have been trying to learn to change the past and future behaviors to be the best person I can be. But I struggle daily. It is easier to sit back and do nothing than it is to reflex on yourself and take stock in your life and honestly say I fucked up here where do I unfuck it up next time. Its critical thinking that makes us worse for where. I have been watching YouTube videos, reading books, blogs, now I am doing hypnosis. Subjection through mental stimulus. With all these endeavors I am doing you would think I was crazy. Oh wait I am. But, I am trying to change my evil ways. 

I struggle with aniexty, when talking to people that I don't know. Its a problem. I have been trying to become more sociable to build a stronger support group, but its hard when you can't approach people. I would make a horrible serial killer. I have been told I am very charismatic. Its a fraud. I am a fraud. I fake that shit. I am so nervous and so overwhelmed that I am going to say the wrong thing that I tend to just blurt out everything. Plus I give off a I don't give a fuck approach but realitity is I do care. I care a whole deal. I have what most people call super empathy. Which means that I can feel the suffering and hurts of others very easily. It sucks. Just learning about myself alone is enough to cause depressive states of mind. Well that is enough rambling. I haven't been writing a great deal I am having what I would like to call an episode.