Oct 17th. Official out of the hospital.

As of Oct 17th, he is official out of the hospital. He thinks to himself he is going to move forward with his life and keep progressing towards his goals and blah blah blah. Reality is he is upset. He tried killing himself to no avail. He looks at the people around him who love him and he is deeply sadden by the burden he has laid on there shoulders. He has to spend two weeks in a hotel as well because he doesn't official have a place to stay yet and he doesn't want to get anyone in trouble. What to do? What to say? How can you tell someone you are sorry for trying to kill yourself when they don't understand why you tried doing it in the first place. All the see is what they want to see nothing more. You can't change the past you can only change your today. He hates today and he will hate tomorrow and he will come to loath every day for weeks to come. (His medication isn't working correctly due to non absorption I am going to write another post today skipping to how they figure this out but for now lets just see nothing is getting into his system). His nerves are a complete wreck he finds no solace in the fact he is free. He would rather be back in the hospital. But he has to move forward. He has to keep his eyes on the prize as they say. He hates this time of year. Nothing goes right. ( Can you tell his mind is so jumbled on thoughts that don't even matter its just bogging down reality?) He doesn't throw up today. Small win! He goes back to focusing on non-trivial events that don't make him upset. He works for the few hours that he can then he walks across the street to the hotel. Oh the hotel. To be alone in such times. Is it wise? He would allow him to be alone in such a crazy moment in his life. Well if he is going to do it what better place then here? What better time then now? He goes to sleep or tries to. Sleep is difficult to come by when you are so jumbled. Scene! (Don't ask) Also please vote on the poll that I have posted. I would like to know so that way if you read this blog I can ask a few more questions to start up my second blog! Thank you all.