Oct 3rd. Day 3 in the hospital.

How do you go from being completely health to a miserable wreck and mess in 2 to 3 days? Easy its attempt suicide and decide you want to live. Still in the hospital being a complete mess. Oxygen stats are slowly coming up. Heart rate slowly coming back to normal. Its a slow process. ICU is feeling the worst is behind. Which means what exactly? That he is not at the immediate risk of dying. Funny thing is that its day 3 of no food no liquids he is still on IV. They decide to move him. He gets a luxury suite in the hospital. Better tv, better room nicer. Its on the oncology floor. He still has a babysitter. What does he expect? No one trusts him. Doctors still coming in daily. " How are you doing, how are you feeling? Do you still feel like you want to hurt yourself or others?" Same questions every day. He wants to hurt them for asking him the same questions day in day out can we have some fucking empathy, oh that is right your a doctor you have to not be emotional attached to your patients, some of them do die! " I am doing ok my throat hurts and its hard to talk. Can I have pen and paper?" They give him a sharpie! A fucking sharpie! Ok , he writes his answers down to the questions they ask. Trying to stay up beat and positive. Its hard to do when you expect the worst. Its hard to look in the mirror and look into your own haunted eyes. Have you ever looked into someones eyes and saw depression so deep that its like looking into a hole. That is what he saw. The torment the anguish the pain. Do other people look at him and see this? Do people think the worst of him? How can you explain this to another human being without looking desperate without looking like your pathetic? You fail at taking your own life, you failed at your own life by trying to take your own life! How do you explain to someone who has never felt so hopeless and non-existent that you are doing your best and you truly are sorry? The worst thing in the world is feeling alone. Truly alone, where no one cares, no one wants anything to do with you. You are a blemish on the world and hinder others. How many times has this thought process came to exist in his head. He looks at the doctor and attempts a smile. He writes " I want to get better truly better." Please help him get better! How does he get better? What is the cure for something this intense. Therapy, lots and lots of therapy. Medication, lots and lots of medication. A support group, people who want to be include in your life. Who wants to be in a suicide attempts life? Do you?